charlotte. went tanning w stee tdy. i was happy (:
i am now red like lobster, itchy like mickey.
in fact, fen has left sg.
she wouldnt be back til 10 days later.
starting monday, stee would be on attachment,
khim would be in NS.
me, finding everything else t keep myself occupied.
i was hoping against hope t spend much time
w the boyfriend before attachment.
i guess im not doing well.. (:
so.. maybe i should have said 3pm instead.
perhaps everything would have gone more smoothly.
I don't think we should be allowed to say "I love you"
if we don't mean it. And if we mean it, we should show it.
but then again, sometimes words are all we have.
if only... perhaps...
thats one of the many things that i ask myself throughout the course of poly. i guess i subconsciously think about it along the way. about the many many decisions id made and the choices that were available t me. thinking that doing so would actually help keep me in check, keeping me steady on the path ive taken.
however, all these eventually lead me t regretting the past or doubting the future. i guess thats the reason why i usually forget about the present. even so, i couldnt help myself from worrying about everything else but focussing on the present.
care... concern...
when they start showing TLC, i kinda feel afraid, cos i dont know if it truely is sincerity or simply out of pure "kindness" or sympathy. i had always been the patient one, the tolerant one. i feel that after my sec sch phase, ive changed in certain aspects of my life. good and bad, for better or worse.
insecure... vulnerable...
perhaps several other reasons included. i try not t allow others t know what im upset about, however, somehow i manage t show everyone else im upset. i feel that i can be so lousy at hiding things that i shouldnt even try. itd only make things worse for everyone else.
losses... gains...
maybe due t losing what was most important t an adolescent at the age of 16, hence causing a trigger of chain reactions.. losing the entire circle of friends, being left with just the few who stood by with me and a messy relationship with my parents. i had withdrawn from my old self since.
there was once when you could ask me anything about myself, i could answer you in full confidence about how i am like, who i am, what will i be. but now... (: yet whatever had happened definitely made me wiser about certain aspects in life. some times, i am still confused by myself. in fact, i am trying t learn about myself all over again. perhaps it is time.
dont mind me, just being random. these thoughts just popped into my brains.